Making Peace with Who We Used to Be

I recently came across a poem by Emory Hall called i have been a thousand different women, and it really stayed with me.

There's something beautiful about the idea of looking back at earlier versions of ourselves with tenderness rather than judgment. It's so easy to revisit the past and focus on what we wish we'd done differently, what we didn't know yet, or the choices we'd make differently today.

But sometimes, when we take the time to understand what we were feeling, what we knew, and what we were carrying, our past choices make a little more sense. We might still regret them. We might wish we'd known better or done things differently. But we can listen to those earlier versions of ourselves, validate their experiences, and offer them some forgiveness without necessarily agreeing with every choice they made.

This is something that comes up often in therapy: learning that self-compassion and accountability aren't mutually exclusive. We can recognize our mistakes, take responsibility, and grow without having to reject who we were.

There's also something about this poem that captures the richness of being a woman. The many lives we live within one lifetime, the roles we take on, the things we outgrow, the ways we change, and the parts of ourselves we carry forward. What I especially love is the idea that none of those earlier versions of ourselves are wasted. They've shaped what we know, how we see the world, and who we're becoming. Even the experiences we wish had gone differently can contribute to the wisdom we carry forward.

What would it be like if we could make room for all of them? Not just the versions we're proud of, but the ones we struggle to understand, the ones who didn't know better, and the ones who were simply trying to find their way.

Maybe making peace with our past isn't about approving of everything that happened. It's about recognizing the value of all the lives we've lived and appreciating how they've brought us here.

You can listen to Emory Hall read her beautiful poem, i have been a thousand different women, here.