When going out feels more draining than staying in…
Night out on the town…
No wonder it feels exhausting:
– Before: The mental prep can start hours before you even leave. What will you wear, say, who will be there, what should you bring… You’ve already played out the night in your head 10 times. Should you even go??
– During: You’re out, but your brain’s working overtime. Now that you’re there, your mind won’t stop analyzing—what should you be doing, saying, eating, drinking… so they like you. Do you seem weird, cool, uptight, crazy?
– After: Cue the replay. How was your performance? It’s done, but your work of analyzing the details has just begun. You’re left emotionally wiped.
OK, this might be an exaggeration of some of the things some people do, but it’s definitely a lot. And that’s not even touching on using substances to take the edge off, body image struggles, or other layers that can make it harder.
Socializing… can feel like a lot.
So what helps?
– Anchor yourself in small moments. Notice how the drink feels in your hand, the sounds around you, or the way your feet feel on the floor. It doesn’t have to be deep—just something to bring you back to where you are.
– Drop the performance. You’re not auditioning. Try to remind yourself that you don’t have to entertain or impress anyone.
– Give yourself a mental break. If you catch yourself overanalyzing mid-event, tell yourself, “I can think about this later. Right now, I’m just here.”
– Set a realistic goal. Instead of aiming to have fun (which adds pressure), shift the goal to simply being present. It’s less about enjoying the moment and more about showing up for it.
– Notice where you struggle the most. Is it the anxiety before? The overthinking during? The replay after? Experiment with taking the pressure off that part. Often, when people loosen their grip on one part of the process, they’re surprised to find that their “performance” doesn’t suffer—and sometimes, they actually enjoy the whole thing more without even meaning to.
It’s not about loving every moment—it’s about making space for some moments to feel a little easier.